


Overwhelming (Sleep Patterns)

by Father_Of_Death



Series: For the music men (Joe Iconis and Joe Tracz) [4]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Brooke-centric, F/F, M/M, also my hands have been craving to type the tag of friendship between brooke mike and jere, like i fell in love with her after writing this, there needs to be more pinkberry content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-30
Updated: 2017-08-30
Packaged: 2018-12-21 12:34:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11944299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Father_Of_Death/pseuds/Father_Of_Death
Summary: The play didn't just affect Jeremy and Michael's friendship, everything falls apart in the small drama-filled world of Brooke and Chloe's friendship.





	Overwhelming (Sleep Patterns)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Joe Tracz](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Joe+Tracz).



Chloe stares forward, fear in her mind as the pain resides. The person whom is standing in front of her is ghostly, like it wasn't real. He skin was pale and the usual outfit that she is wearing, but it's tilted, like it was inverted. The usual yellow sweater hanging off the sides of her arms is black, and the blue shirt a stark and bleached white. Brooke, her best friend, the girl she thinks she has been in love with for the last two years, was standing right in front of her. Her smile forced, and her usually tired and kind eyes are replaced with wide eyed awareness, and fully understanding of what is going on around her. It shouldn't be Brooke but it is, she is standing where Christine was seconds ago. The robotic voice in her head was drowned out by her intense anxious thoughts and the fact that Brooke, whom she had been having an idiotic falling out with, was standing right in front of her. She felt desperate, she needed Brooke, her comfort. Her rock, her best friend. She wanted this back, her dopily happy best friend who seemed to always be in a good or sleepy mood, to be her friend again. Jeremy wasn't worth the years of friendship they had, 'sisters before misters' they had promised in the third grade for naught.  

Brooke's breath is shallow as an image is being created in front of her, the figure being all too familiar. She's back, Chloe is standing in front of her, a smile waiting on her face and all she wants to do is hug her and go home. The play isn't worth it. She never cared to learn her lines anyway. Chloe was the only reason she went, and now that she had lost her, everything was unbearable. She couldn't sleep, she can't sleep. Whatever came over her when she was around Jeremy had to stop, it was ruining her life. She was fine with Chloe, with sleepovers and junk food nights. But now she has none of it, and she doesn't even have Jeremy anymore. And she never had him in the first place, he always flinches when she touches him. He looks uncomfortable when he thinks no one is looking, but she had noticed. Why did she let herself ruin a friendship, the best thing to ever happen to her, for a boy who obviously didn't like her as much as she liked him. But the figure in front of her is making her forget everything about what happened in the last month, that the absence of Chloe Valentine made her sad. She smiles at the Chloe, hoping it's real even though her outfit is different, dark blues and green litter her floral outfit, completely, covering her body in the colors she would usually never be caught dead in.  

Chloe hears the words completely overwhelm her, turning her thoughts into pits of venom. Her level of self-hatred from level zero to level fifty in the matter of minutes as she hears Brooke's voice taunt and tease her. Her words picking at everything she does, her voice sharpening at painful parts, playing with her mind. This Brooke knows everything that Brooke knows, completely using it against her. Prodding her about her crush on the girl, telling her nothing would ever happen between them, telling her that Brooke would never love her, she would never love you, she doesn't love you, I̸̗̰̺̲͙̗͝ ̞̬̖̻D̯̳͕͚̘͢ͅO̧̘̫̯̟̼͔̤͡ͅN͙͕̖'̣͍̤̱͡͠T҉̭̭͕̣̤͚̙̰ ̴̛̮̫͕̹͞Ļ͉͚͈̫͉̰̕O̞̰̳̪̟͍̣V̨̛̦͉͙̳E̸̝̫̬͙̭̰͡ ̣̮͓͘͝Y͍̙͔͠͠O҉̣͎̞̗Ư̞̬̪̹̫̟̣̬! Chloe feels the tears fall down her face as it laughs in her face telling her the only way to end her suffering was let it take over, and her rational side told her no. But all she wanted was to be happy, and Brooke was in that equation, and now that she was out of it Chloe has nothing. Jenna was a friend, but she took Brooke's side, or staying out of it most of the time. She'll let it in, let all of her suffering end. She can live with Brooke in the afterlife. She can be happy there.  

Brooke has tears falling out of her eyes as it asks, looking her straight in the eye, and looking ready to electrocute her again. Her back already sore from the first two times, she'll have to let it take over her, let it do whatever it wants with her body. Chloe would never do that, never hurt her intentionally. This isn't Chloe, not the girl she knows, not her best friend. She is powerless against this thing, whatever had been in the punch caused this. Somehow she was hallucinating, something was making her go crazy. But it's so vivid. Chloe would never say any of this to her, but it feels so real, the shocks making her back raw completely burning and stinging with pain as she tries to cry out. Everyone else around her is going through the same thing, Jeremy being talked to by Reyes, yelling evident and something she can hear through the corporeal hallucination of her best friend, the girl she's in love with.  

Chloe opens her eyes to a hospital room, knowing the ceiling immediately, it's familiar-ness ringing over her as she tries to remember what happened to get her in this spot. Then it all floods back immediately, hitting her like a ten-ton truck and she feels a migraine make its way into her nerves. She tries to lean back and fall asleep but she realized something, someone is holding her arm, the grip soft and comforting. Familiar. Her eyes move down and land on Brooke, her old best friend asleep on her arm. She can't help but feel the emotions build in her heart, it growing heavy and her eyes watering. Everything that the thing had said to her still fly around her mind, and she wants to move her arm away and leave the room. She wants to escape everything it said to her, everything it made Brooke say. She was desperate for anything, her best friend to be back at her side and kicking ass. But now everything is venomous.  

 **1** **st** **MONDAY:**  

When Brooke first walks into school she feels the eyes tear up her back as she tries to get to her locker, hoping that her short hospital visit didn't cause a widespread hatred of her. She doesn't wish that on anyone, she only knows people said a prop or light fell at the play and most of them were under it so it warranted the multiple ambulances that had pulled up to the school in the fit of worry from the shaky 911 phone call that a parent had made before the full auditorium had filed out in a flurry, causing the surrounding neighborhood to freak out, making the theatre program get almost shut down because of the complete-lack-of safety that was shown that night. It was completely 'unprofessional' in the eyes of the school board, and Mr. Reyes almost got fired because of the casualties that night, he had also ended up in the hospital. He wasn't given compensation for the hospital visit, Christine had been on an angry rant in the lobby while most of them were being signed out. Brooke hasn't be able to handle looking at anyone lately, her eyes avoiding any gaze she would usually meet. Her usual aura of semi-confidence had been destroyed by the Chloe she had seen that night, the one that send the thrumming pain up and down her back. The back of the bra she is wearing, is digging into the small amount of scars that run up and down like lightning. She scratches at the one which had been long enough to reach her inner wrist, hoping that maybe it would go away. She could escape what the thing did to her.  

It was Chloe, her best friend. She saw her in the hallway and made a b-line in the opposite direction, not caring about a tardy when she feels her panic heighten, what had happened at the hospital didn't help. Chloe had woken up and freaked out and they had ushered her out of the room and wouldn't let her see her for the rest of Brooke's time there. She was blacklisted since the first reaction that Chloe showed when seeing her was negative. She had time to dwell and freak out over the thing that had been in her head. It was Chloe, but it wasn't. But it was. It's so hard to explain, why would the thing be Chloe. Does Chloe hate her? Will she ever be good enough for her best friend? Will they ever be friends again? Her breathing is picking up and she accidentally pushed her way into a person causing them to berate her on 'watch where you're going slut' and she starts to sprint, trying to find a bathroom or a closet or empty room that she can sit into and shut herself off. Her hands fly to her pockets and try to search around for her headphones, music being her new solace in times of need. But her hands cling to the lint at the bottom of the pocket and she knew she had made a grave mistake. She left her headphones at home, and she hadn't thought to bring her new big ones (once she found music a helpful tool for coping she took some saved money and invested into better quality ones) to school. She feels more panic rise up through her throat and chest. It's getting harder to breathe and she is in the wing of the school that has no bathrooms and is barely occupied. The door at the end is her dead end and all she finds is the stairs to the next floor.  

She curls into a ball, holding her knees to her chest and the tears slowly and steadily falling out of her eyes and she can hear the familiar ringing that is used in films and when something loud near you goes off. And her breathing is now hyperventilating and she wants everything to go away as everything 'Chloe' had said to her is flowing back into her head poisoning her again. It's all falling apart around her and she feels the numbness in her system start to quickly move to her legs and she feels hopeless. And worried. And she wants it all to end. Why is she alive? Why is she here? Why would Chloe care about her anymore? If she disappeared this very moment would anyone notice or care? The questions spiral everywhere in her head and she feels her whole entire numb and she can’t move. Her breathing is quicker because she can’t feel it and her lungs are pounding against her chest cavity and she still can’t feel anything. Everything is cold. Everything is so very, very cold. Her body doesn’t shiver and she can hear something. It’s faint past the loud ringing and the sound of her shaky fast breaths meet her ears. It’s all so much, she can’t take it. Her eyes had rolled closed seconds before and she feels her whole body shake and convulse. She is ready for whatever that is letting her panic like this, take her. She had lost any will to live after the hospital. And her head is shaking forwards and backwards. Her eyes lull open and sees a blurry Jeremy looking at her. His face is full of worry and he stops shaking her, his hands touching her arms delicately; like he doesn’t want to break her. She doesn’t know what she feels when he pulls her into a hug and tries to help her breathing back to normal. Her body is still numb but his voice is breaking through the ringing slightly, he is talking to her and giving her a count, ten breaths in and ten breaths out in a steadily timed pattern. The last person she would think to help her would be her ex-boyfriend. The guy who was a relentless dick to her while they were together. But here he is, helping her out of the panic. Treating her so kindly, she didn’t deserve it. She wanted to push him away and scream, to tell him to take his niceness and shove it up his ass.  

The bell ringing interrupts the nice and quiet moment that was helping her return to herself. The numbness was fading slightly and hearing has returned. They haven’t spoken much to each other since he found her under the steps. He’s just let her do her thing, she had clung to him and cried soon after she calmed down. She doesn’t know why she’s letting the guy who was an ass and almost cheated on her help her in her worst. But he’s so nice. He’s a good friend, that’s what she learned after he got out of the hospital. He can be extremely kind and caring to her, being delicate of what he says to her, hoping to not hurt her feelings. She simultaneously hates and appreciates that about him, he is slowly making his way back into her life; in a better way. Students move up and down the stairs, ignoring the pair that both look pretty shaken and are obviously both going to skip the next period so they can get over whatever Brooke had run from. “Do you want to go?” He asked, voice full of his unsureness. Her head nods slightly and he slowly lets go of her, helping her to her feet and her sweater’s sleeves almost fall down to the floor as she teeters towards the  railing, he catches her, letting her lean against him as he types out a text on his phone. “Michael is waiting in the parking lot, do you want to hang in his basement with us or get dropped off?” He is not pressing her, not trying to force her to do anything. “First option.” She finally squeaks out, his body language relaxes a small bit. He helps her to the parking lot.  

 **1** **st** **TUESDAY** **:**  

Brooke enters the building, large headphones covering her ears and playlist that she had cultivated in the hospital playing as she feels herself become calmer, playing. She ends up meeting Jeremy and Michael at the latter’s locker and she is starting to feel semi-okay, she may not have Chloe at the moment, but maybe she’ll be okay. Her heart isn’t in much conversation so she only speaks a couple times, leaving the two boys to fill most of the conversation. Her eyes vacantly scan the crowd, hoping to at least spot Jenna, she hasn’t seen much of her friends lately. But she can’t bother to try and find Chloe. The idea of facing her in the moment terrifying, hoping that she can work up the courage sometime. But it would only remind her of the ‘Chloe’ that night, it’s been part of a month and it should be done and over with but it hasn’t left her mind. It always there, lurking. Waiting for a moment to jump her and beat her down into her place, her small amount of self esteem waiting to be set aflame in front of her. When she enters her first class, Dustin and a kid named Hannah come up to her and gossip or at least talk about Chloe. That’s all Brooke will ever be , Chloe’s best friend, ex-best friends still in Chloe’s book. They’ll never be the way they were. She wants to go back, to before this mess, before Halloween, before Jeremy entered the picture. Even if whenever Brooke shared an opinion, which were shot down immediately, and felt like an idiot whenever she expressed something she felt. She would go back, because she had Chloe, she had her whole life to be a better person. But now that she had nothing made her terrified. Jeremy was helping, letting her inch in on some of his Michael time.  

"Do you know what's up with Chloe?" Dustin asked, an eyebrow raised in confusion and Brooke's blood ran cold, even though she was ready for a question about Chloe, her heart still didn't take it correctly. She was struggling with what she should say, struggling on what lie to tell. She hadn't talked to Chloe in an approximate two weeks, and she has no idea what is going on with her anymore. Her brain comes up with a stupid excuse and she blurts it out and tries to look uninterested in the conversation. "Tell her to get better for us okay?" Hannah says kindly, pushing her glasses up her nose with her index finger and left the conversation to find one of her siblings, her goodbye rushed and it left Dustin and Brooke alone and quiet in the conversation. Brooke didn't realize how quick the news about Chloe would spread, and she was getting many condolence messages that were meant for Chloe, but Brooke wasn't sure if she was going to get the messages to her. Brooke can't even bare to look herself in the mirror, much as well not feel the need to hide when she looks at even a picture of Chloe. By lunch time she had been given cards and little trinkets of teabags and handwritten remedies, not many people liked Chloe; or so she thought. Most of the gifts were from girls, some even from people they had attacked with their vicious words. The compassion of these people was getting to be too much and once she sat down at lunch she let her head hit the table and the music from her headphones plays and her hand is subconsciously scratching at her inner right wrist, the scar only stinging more and she hisses in pain but bites her lip before pulling her hand away and sitting on it. She is alerted that someone finally joined her at the table was when Christine slammed her hands down on the table and affectively making Brooke jump and take off her headphones. "I heard that our own Chloe Valentine has fallen ill. When everyone gets here I am rallying us up to go and take care of her." Brooke wants to protest, but before she can say a word Rich and Jake sit down at the table and start a separate conversation and drowns her out if she were to talk. Everything about her is freezing and she turns her music back on to be a distraction, until Jeremy or Michael have gotten to the table, she got closer to them the day before and feels like she can trust them. They make her oddly happy, letting her be whatever she wants and recommending music and things for her to do to qualm her new anxiety. When the lanky beanstalk and his counterpart sit down next to her she sighs a breath of relief and lowers the volume of her music as she joins their quiet conversation. Jenna is the last to arrive to the table and Christine reiterates most of her announcement from earlier and the group make their way to the parking lot. Brooke wants to sit in the comfy back seat of the beat up PT Cruiser but is pulled towards Christine's green station wagon and she puts her headphones back on.   

They get directions from Jenna for Chloe's house, and Brooke is hiding her fear with the music blasting through her headphones. An [album](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLkbgqUqtjGMSoyx6Y4brJqCGgbzwnUNPd) that Jeremy had suggested that calms him down slightly, and she liked it. It was helping her not scratch the scar, that being a new unhealthy habit she picked up in the fit of not having anything. Her step-mom came in when she could, work taking most of her time and leaving barely any of it for Brooke since her dad passed. They reach the house and Brooke swallows down her anxiety, hoping that she won't have to speak, she won't have to look at anyone, and that the memories won't come flooding back. Everything before this had happened. Everything she feels the longing and pain for. She wants to be back then, happy and in a one-sided love affair with her imagination and the thought of her best friend. The group exit their cars and walk towards the car and Brooke can't help but quake at the full view of the big house. Chloe lives in the wealthier side of town, the surrounding neighborhood filled with middle-age couples with at least one or two kids that live with a silver spoon in their mouths. Christine marches up to the door, knocking confidently, the rest of the teens catching up to her and waiting as a group. Jeremy and Michael stick to the back with Brooke, giving her a somewhat backup if she needed one. She's grateful for that. She feels like she needs and army to protect her from whatever Chloe may be feeling towards her. What had Brooke done to make her so different to her?, she didn't know. But it was still terrifying, she trembles slightly as Christine finds the doorbell and the it rings, and rings and then there are heavy footsteps heard coming down the stairs. Brooke knows the exact layout of the house, Chloe's room being the closest to the stairs. She'll be at the door in a matter of seconds and Brooke braces herself to see her. The door clicks and swings in, and a tired looking Chloe is standing in the doorway. Her angry eyes are unforgiving and cold, they look straight through every one of them. Brooke’s knees start to buckle but she tries to stay strong, earning a concerned glance from Michael.  

The group is speechless against the hostile Chloe, and Christine decides to speak up, causing the glare of daggers being pointed at her directly. She shrinks into herself slightly, hoping to not allude to her fear that is clawing from up her stomach and into her throat. She feels like throwing up, she feels like leaving, she wants to walk away. Confrontation is terrifying in the moment of weakness, and all of them feel useless. They are all stuck under her gaze, the unforgiving eyes piercing flesh and killing all of them instantly. It's the "If looks could kill" joke but in true life, Chloe looks like she wished she could kill them all. Hide the bodies and never have to see any of them again. It's not even an aura anymore, it's a presence that Brooke doesn't want to feel. Her eyes can't even meet the figure of the girl and she avoids any gaze her direction and continues to completely hear what it said to her. Whatever the 'Chloe' was, it wasn't human. But it still replicated the voice of her best friend, the girl she loves, to a T. A perfect T. "What do you want?" Chloe asks, venom in her voice, but her stare on one person. Brooke. The eyes staring at her pointedly makes her legs shake and all she can do is drop to the floor. She did something wrong. She did something  **wrong**. No one will forgive you, N̨̢̞͉̮̻̖̣͜O̡̫͉͎̬̯̗̬͈͡ ̱̥O̭͍͘͢Ṇ̷̭͞Ȩ͍̬͍͕ ̮̯̹͘W͜҉̖̱̰̤̦I̴̬̱̦̮ͅL͚̙͙͙͘L͙̹͉̝͈̻̣̰̼͝ ̬̜̤̫͡E͓̣͉͍͝V̢̱̼͕̮̼̱̗E̜̮̯̣̜̯R̛͞͏̪̯͇ ̷̵͙͖̺͜F̫̼̼̣̤͉̭̦͝O̞̘͟͞R҉̷̴̳͓̮̘̼͖͓͖G͚̗̭͙̮͟ͅͅI͉͞V̬͓͈͉̳̻̫E͍̗͈̬̮̕͜ ̡͇͔͕̖͕Y̡͕̩̣̖̥O̵̼̠͙̼̖͡U̩̝̹͖͖̞̦̙!̛̖͙͖͍͢ ̧̯͙̯͖̭̩̪Y̸̘͇̭͉̹͉O͔̱̝̦U͔̣̦̗̙̖̯͡ͅ ͔̖̤͎̱̕͠D̶͙̳͍̼̻̗̦͍͞I̡͖̱͉D̘͈̪͖̬̫̗͈ ̷̟͎͍S̛̯̝̦̜̮O̵̞̰̼͔̼̠͙͞M̴̩͍E҉͚͚̻͖͕͎̱̺T̛͍͉H̵̹̰͔͎̬͔͝I̟̘͉͝N̛͉͈G̢̨̲͓͈̗̲ ̰̬͍̼̻̻̺W̦̠͈͖͎̯̞͢R̷̭̞͚͈O̞̘̤̙͇͍͉̕N̥̜̼̻̮̮͖̖͜G̵͈͚̤̪̻͢ͅ!͓̱̣̪͚̬̺̹ Her hands fly to her ears and she keeps trying to get the voices to go away, it's all returning to her and it's locking her out of reality. The ringing is back and she can hear some faded noises, her world becoming blurry but she doesn't move. It's taking over her again, she wants to run. But her breathing is going quickly and a loud slam is blurred out of her hearing and she feels someone help her to her feet. It's gentle and non-threatening. She tries to breathe, but it comes out quickly and she can't calm it down. She is trying to move her legs but it won't work. Her surrounding changes a small amount and she falls to her left and meets soft car seat. It's better than the hard-concrete outside on the ground. She scrambles for her headphones and finds them still clasped on the outer edge of her neck and she melts into the giant sweater she is wearing; her hands find her phone and the adapter and she turns on an [playlist](https://soundcloud.com/pans-and-ears/sets/brookes-mix), one she didn't read the label of but all music in her library is somehow calming to her, the music is soft and she lets everything wash away around her and keep her breathing in check. When she opens her eyes, she sees the break in the front seats of Michael's PT Cruiser, and the group chatting in front of the car. She feels a small amount of worry exude from her body but notices the soft caring glance from Jeremy. He motions for her to lay down again, she nods lightly and rests her head on the left back seat and lets the music wash over her. She sleeps. 

Brooke opens her eyes, her body being shook lightly. Jeremy is giving her an understanding smile and motions for her to take off her headphones, and she does. He explains the situation and she nods, not saying a word. "You wanna go home?" She nods and he lets her sit and closes the door. He gets into the passenger seat and sends a small smile to Michael, who is sitting in the driver's seat. Jeremy tells Michael something, it being kind words and full of comfort and calm. Michael never really liked Chloe, she could tell he is terrified of her. His hands had shook when they were at the door, Jeremy looks so tenderly at him. They are a comforting environment for her, so full of kindness and care. She doesn't know how lucky she got being around them. She looks out the window, while subconsciously buckling her seatbelt, and sees the rest of the cars packed with the rest of the group. And she doesn't know how to feel. She doesn't know how to feel lately.  

They pull up to her house and she picks at the hem of the sweatshirt, knowing the small two bed house isn't as lavish as Chloe's house. "Can you stay over?" She asks quietly, hoping they would dismiss her question and send her off. But she also wanted them to hear her. She didn't want to be alone tonight, she wanted to be with friends. She wanted them to stay. They did hear her, they gave her an answer and she sighed in relief, the answer was yes. "Thank you." She whispers. They follow her into the house and she leads them to the small living room area, about one small couch and some other trinkets along with a TV and a Wii (and a WiiU charging next to the stand). It's small and quant but Brooke still loves it. Her step-mom isn't home, she's never home lately. Her work getting to be too much sometimes, and Brooke misses her. She hates being alone. Her brother is with her birth mother, the sick and vile woman who treated her like trash. She can see herself in Jeremy, he had told her about some of his home life when he visited her room in the hospital. He had told her about things and she had bonded with him slightly. The conversation they start when they put on a game, Mario Kart, and a night of fun is in store for her and she smiles to herself as she hits Jeremy's Waluigi with a blue shell and he lets out a small squeak of anger. She and Michael start to laugh and almost fall off the couch from laughing so hard.  

 **1** **st** **WEDNESDAY:**  

Brooke decided to answer no questions for Chloe the next day, she didn't get the classwork for her. She doesn't want to face her alone, not after yesterday and everything before. She will just cling to Jeremy and Michael until they decide to boot her off. She uses her headphones more and has more music and she can't help but stay off social media, she doesn't want to see anything that would make her feel less than herself. She is becoming herself in a good way. She wants to visit her step-mom at her office job, editing books and helping the printing process and doing things for the Newspaper. Her step-mom has been worked to the bone lately and Brooke just wants to help. She doesn't want to act like the way she was before. She is different, she isn't ' _Brooke_ _Lohst_ _: hot but dumb girl_ ' anymore, she's just Brooke Lohst, and she may be dorky in her own ways and can play a solid round of Super Smash Bros but she wants to be smart. She wants to be able to talk to someone about something and for them to actually care about what she thinks and feels. She doesn't want to play the 'Nancy' anymore. She is done with that.  

Brooke walks into the room and feels her anxiety surface; the teacher is sitting in the empty room and grading papers. She doesn't spare Brooke a second glance. Brooke walks towards her, her unusual outfit of nice and warm brown sweater over a baby blue button up is what is making her look more serious. She taps the teacher's shoulder lightly and wants to talk about jobs in publishing and over all writing, she wants to do some good someday.  

When Brooke sits down at lunch her headphones are still awake with a small amount of music, but she's smiling and has a packet in her hand. It feels so good. She's so happy. She tells her two new closest friends and they are so happy for her. She can do it. She can do it. They believe in her, she can do anything.  

 **1** **st** **THURSDAY:**  

Brooke feels worried that once she got off the bus, she sees a very tired and lumbering Jeremy walking towards the cafeteria with steel-pole posture and a swagger that he never walks in anymore. A small ounce of fear raises in her throat, he's back to his old ways. This isn't the Jeremy she cares for anymore. This is someone different. She tries to walk away, hoping that maybe she will ignore him for the day and see where it goes but Michael walks up to him and ushers a small bottle into his hands tells him to drink up. She can see an odd physical shift in Jeremy and he looks back to himself and she decides to walk over. The boys are talking about something and Jeremy looks extremely drained. Her first statement to him is to go home and rest, and he doesn't put up much of a fight when Michael agrees. They all shared an empty first period, and Brooke would go around and get Jeremy's work for him and Michael would make sure he is okay. Jeremy makes a joke about them being the perfect duo for taking care of people and they shush him and push him lightly towards the parking lot and he starts to laugh and look a little more like himself as he sits in the permanently reserved-for-Jeremy passenger seat. Brooke waves them off and hurries inside to find a good seat in the cafeteria until she starts her first actual class of the day.  

She types on her computer quickly, deciding on a college scholarship essay contest last second and she feels the extreme bliss of writing, she missed this. She never had time to write the more popular Chloe grew and she misses her, god she misses her best friend. But right now she can't look at her without freaking out. She hears  **her**  but it wasn't her. It's all surrounding her again, she's alone. She's alone. No one cares about you Brooke. If you up and left this town no one would care at all! She pushes it down, typing the words but them becoming slightly blurry and she can feel it take over her again, and she sees something out of the corner of her eye. It's back. She tries to ignore it, type out the rest of the essay, but her words become blurred and all she is typing is the words she remembers being said. Her back is aching and she wants to go home. But she knows she needs to do this for Jeremy. She starts to change her music, to block out the words that she can hear revving up in it's mouth. It's crazy, she's crazy. It shouldn't be in her head, but it is. She doesn't know what it is, but she wants it to leave. She wants it to leave her alone. She wants to be alone. Her heartbeat is fast and unstable and she is trying to calm down her hands because they are misspelling words by the second and moving at the speed of light. She is pulled from her imagination by a light tap on her shoulder, she whips her head to the right to see who interrupted her panic. Christine and Jenna stand in front of her and she gulps, hoping to not have to see Chloe again. They look at her, eyes of pity. She moves her gaze back to the ruined document, the words completely hurried and decimated. The girls sit down across from her, looking worried. She tries to avoid their eyes, knowing she'll break down somehow if she looks at them. Her eyes meet the cracking plaster of the wall and wants to ignore everything. Her hands fidget as she feels their emotions radiate off them and her mind is mush and she doesn't want to speak. "Brooke, can we talk about something?" Christine says, looking like a concerned parent asking their kid about drugs, and Brooke doesn't want to have any conversation of this caliber. She wants to get all of Jeremy's things and go. She wants to sit in the third beanbag that she snuck from her old house on the floor of Jeremy's room while she watches them play games while she ignores the world in her writing. But now she is stuck in the cafeteria, with basic rotting plaster and quietness.  

Jenna taps away on her phone, whatever gossip she is reading flying down her screen. Christine asks a question, it being seemingly vague but also was also obvious. It was so terrifying. They knew, they went through the same. They were there for her. Brooke broke down and started to say everything, say what happened to her, confess everything that she has been going through for a month, almost over. Jeremy never told her what it was but he helped, he was good. He was okay. And now she understood what was going on, she understands what the thing was, a SQUIP. Whatever the fuck that is, it's supposed to be dead. It should be. And she hopes it is. Christine puts her hands on Brooke's giving a small and understanding smile as Brooke's world is simultaneously being broken down and rebuilt. She knows what it is, and how to get rid of it. She can do it. She can break free of it, maybe get her best friend back. Brooke smiles at Christine, it's slightly broken and sad, but she finally knows. And she can combat it the best she can. Everything will be okay, she can do this. If it's not real, it can't hurt her anymore. The words still sting, but to a much less degree. She's happy now.  

Her finger hovers over the contact on her phone, and she takes a breath and hits it. The dial-up tone starts to quietly ring and she feels the anxiety build up inside her and it's completely terrifying. She has to do this. She has to talk to her again. The tone stops and releases a message about leaving a voicemail and Brooke decides to leave one, it'll be shaky and sad but she wants to talk to her again. She needs to. "H-Hey Chloe, I...uh...um...I need to talk to you. The thing we took that night, you know that night. It's not real, it should be gone. And I know you probably think I'm crazy but I'm sorry about whatever it said to you. I'm sorry it did that to you. I'm so sor-" Her message it cut off by the beep and she feels the tears fall down her face.  

 **1** **st** **FRIDAY:**  

The last episode of Stranger Things plays throughout the house's speaker system and Chloe doesn't hear it. She knows the front and back of the show, but right now she had no idea what is going on and why her head is feeling like cement. Everything is heavy and she hasn't gotten off the couch in around twelve hours. This isn't healthy, she knows it isn't but right now it's all she feels like she should do. Her parents have been gone the whole week, not realizing their only kid is sitting in her own pot of despair and suffering. Brooke taunts her endlessly, the image of Brooke she saw when she had decided to answer the doorbell. Brooke looked, different, more mellow and the person Chloe first met in sixth grade. She wants to see her again, she wants to go back before the play and  cherish every moment she had with her best friend. The white noise that is in the background of her mind and she can't hear anything but Brooke. The things Brooke said, the fight, the Brooke she saw that night. The words said in hatred and an anger. She hears a whirring growl every time she sees her, every time she sees even a trace of the blonde-haired girl, she gets scared. Her phone rings constantly, she let it die two days ago. She wants isolation, and it's what she's giving herself. Every reach out, people stopping by and asking to see if she is okay, is frivolous in her determined stance to avoid her problems into TV shows on a streaming service while her parents are gone. She ran out of 'edible' food a day ago and she ignores the hunger rumbling in her stomach. She doesn't want to eat, she doesn't deserve to eat. She doesn't deserve this life.  

Everything is hazier than it should be, but Chloe can hear knocking at the door. She doesn't want to get it, she wants to sleep. For longer than she should. Everything around her is fading slightly, and she can't help but feel at peace for a small amount of time. Sleep is comforting, an escape from everyone, from life. Everything is terrifying out in the real world. She just wants to sleep. Her eyes flutter shut and she lets herself fall asleep. It's all melting into a dream, where Brooke is there, but it's not her. She has a weird aura around her. And a buzzing that sounds like scratching is quiet in the background, but it's like a hum; getting louder by the minute. Brooke stands in front of her, not saying a word but Chloe can't look at her eyes. Her gaze is met at Brooke's chin and feels too painful to look up. A force is pushing down on her, and she wants to move but can’t. It's pushing her down, like the weight of the universe holding her down. She tries to step forward, her exhaustion set in and she falls to her knees, getting pushed closer to the ground with that force. And then she hears laughing. Her eyes dart up to Brooke, seeing a her covered in neon green lions, laugh bellowing out of her, and a sharp presence is coming from the direction of her eyes. It's terrifying, Chloe can't move and Brooke takes a step closer. The presence hits her like a train, sharp and fast. Brooke is silence again, but walks closer to her. She's slow, but every step the force pushing Chloe down gets harder and pushes on her harder. Chloe is pushed into her knees harshly, the force relentless. She feels that if she let out even a whimper it would allow her lungs to be crushed. It's so heavy, her spine is going to break and a small whine leaves her throat and Brooke is laughing again. It's lower in pitch, and distorted, like a voice changer that is broken. Chloe hears shouting, its deep and loud and she wants it to go away. The dark atmosphere around her is phasing out and is replaced by white, and the force is releasing its vise-like grip on her body and she opens her eyes.  

"Chlo?" Jake asks her quietly, looking at her with worry in his expression. He is holding her shoulders and sitting on the ground with her. She doesn't know what to say or do, he helps her up and he leaves the room quickly, coming back with a small glass of water. He helps her onto the couch and gives her the water. She doesn't feel like drinking it but the somewhat fatherly expression on Jake's face makes her drink it. She hates to worry him; her insecurities always get the best of her. She loved him, she still loves him. But not that way, she could never see him that way again. He can see through her, see through her bitchy façade and could see her way of thinking. He's a better friend than boyfriend, and she's fine with that. He turns on Bill Nye and says he's going to make something to eat. Chloe lets the mind-numbing episode about the atmosphere take over her as she mumbles the theme song along with the opening. Jake works his magic in the kitchen, finding a box of mac'n'cheese and some other things to throw into the mix and waits for the water to boil. He stands in the connected doorway from the living room and he looks at Chloe watching the educational program, she looks bad. Her skin is pale and her eyes are bloodshot. She must've been alone for the whole time for her to be this bad, and he wants to help. His thoughts are put to a stop when he realizes Chloe is looking back at him. She looks numb and tired, he gives her a light smile and turns back into the kitchen to check up on the water.  

She eats a little bit that night, not gorging herself but she's going places. He gives her soft smiles and comfort and tells her he is staying, being her ride to school and her general human interaction for the day instead of her having to deal with everything alone; she'll have him for a small amount of time. That night he asks her about what she experienced, and he got more than he bargained for. She started to cry and he held her, letting her cry out anything that she experienced that night. They all went through some shit.  

Chloe felt worse when she realized one of the thousands of messages in her voicemail was from Brooke. Her hand shakes as she goes to play it, hoping it won't be full of the words that she has heard in her head the whole month. She puts it on speaker, Brooke's shaky breath at the beginning makes her gulp. The sound is so familiar and she shouldn't know it as well as she does. The first three words spoken aren't easily heard but still make Chloe break down. The phone drops back down onto the couch as the message continues on and she tries to block out the sound with her fingers. It's not muted completely but she can't hear Brooke. She hears distortion, it's Brooke but not.  

 **2** **nd** **MONDAY:**  

"Hey we have theatre rehearsal tonight, you cool waiting?" Jake asks her on the ride to school, his hands on the wheel but his gaze making its way over to her. She looks up from her phone and agrees. She'll just scroll through the large amounts of drama she missed while she was gone. Jenna's account is a good one to follow if one wants to follow the drama of Middleborough. So before they read the turn to go into the school parking lot Chloe knows exactly what has happened in the last week while she was gone. The whole entire hallways becomes silent as she and Jake walk into the building. It felt oddly right to be back in the halls of Middleborough. It was a domain she knew how to tread, but now she doesn't have her usual 'royal advisor' Brooke, she has to be her mythical bitch self but with more back up from deep inside her. Once Jake leaves to go find Rich she surveys the territory around her. People look petrified from her gaze and she smiles to herself as she walks towards her locker and gets out her things and sit into the study hall room and act like nothing happened.  

By the time lunch rolled around Brooke had heard that Chloe was back. And she wants to avoid seeing her at all costs, she can't have another panic attack under the steps which leaves Jeremy and Michael to clean her up. She let's the music wash over her again and tries to ignore the whole student body moving past her. No one pays her any attention anymore, and she likes that. She could do whatever she wanted and no one would care or notice. She stops at Jeremy's locker, meeting up with the bean stalk and his best friend. They are nerding out about a new game that was coming out on the WiiU, an online multiplayer Nintendo game called Splatoon. She smiles as she lets them talk and include her when she speaks. It's a good system, she likes this. It's better to go from everyone's eyes on you to no one cares, she likes the freedom. She stills has to deal with the SQUIP, but Jeremy gave her a system that they both share with Michael. It consists of some video game or movie nights and a "shit-ton of Mountain Dew Red".  

Chloe sits in the small room that Reyes uses to hold the small meetings of the theatre program, she types new tweets into her twitter and ignores the two unnamed tech crew members talking about the set that they need to create. She ignores that, it doesn't apply to her. She hears the rest of the group that had been her friend group before this mess. When the group enters the room she looks at them and pauses on Brooke. She can't breathe, she and Brooke are stuck in a petrified staring contest and the rest of the group can feel the scared aura around them. Jeremy hovers towards Brooke, making sure if she were to have a panic attack he could help. Chloe stands up and walks out of the room, walking quicker the farther away she gets, she ends up in the parking lot near the art wing. She hides in a corner and tries to control her breathing, she didn't want to see Brooke not now, and not today. She had looked happy, and Chloe was happy for her. But it's hollow happiness, she can't look at Brooke but she wants to be there. Her brain is so messed up! Why can't she just L̖͚͓̲̺̭͈̻͘ET҉̢̲̣̩̫̗͕ ̛̱͙̭̠̱Į̻̰̭͍͇̦̯T̴̛̩̮͈̥̮ ̵̩͎͇͕G҉̱̮̥͚͎̱̮̲͚O̸̥̖͍̪ͅ!̷̘̫̘͉̫͠ Why can't she just let the girl she knew for ten years, go? Why can't she just L͕ͧ͆͋ͭͩE̗͔̯̓̾͑̐ͪ̋̐T͎͔̫̣̮͕ͫ̾́̑͊͛ ̮͍̪̤̜̫̗̩̰ͨ̏̄̍͌ͯͯH̩̹̗̼̮͖̗ͭ̐̾ͅE̼͚̺ͤ̊ͫͫ̄̑̉R̠̤͉̫͈̈̅̓ ̘̣̍̇̋̔͊́̂͒̌G̭̙̮̈́͌̌͛O̺̝̹̭͎̖ͧͣ!̜̺̋͂͂She will never love you Chloe, I W̭͚̖͕̺̖̩ͮ̊̎I̸̜̼̺̲͓͕̦ͣ͂̓͐L̴̰̤̂ͩ̌ͣ̽͒Ļ̜ͭ ̩̠̯̑́̉N̛̥̪̩͚̈̔ͧE̳̯̮̺ͭ͗̅V̨͔̝͔̥͙̝̾̌E̦͎̦̫͚̔̃R̽͟ ͖ͩͬ͗̀͂͂ͧL̝̬̘̫͇̪͒̄ͭ͠O̱̙̟̐ͨ̋̈́͛ͣ̓V̴̩͌ͦ͗ͨ͗Ẽ ̺̳̯̳͕Ŷ̶͈̹̯̼̟̬O̗̠͔̍͢Ù̳̼̞̩̟ͯ̎̓!̮̬̰͓͚ͪ͝ She lets out a scream and curls herself into a ball. The environment of the parking lot is silent, only small amount of noise in the background. Chloe lets the panic take over her, the ringing in her ears is getting progressively louder. The words start to fly through her head, at a mile a second. It's all so much, it's all so much. It's all too much. The door opens out and someone walks out. Chloe shifts to see who it is, expecting Jake. "Hey." Brooke stands there with a tear-stained face and the keys to Jake's car, "Want to get some pinkberry?" Chloe doesn't know if she wants to cry or jump for joy. Maybe both.  

**Author's Note:**

> HELLO!
> 
> If you've made it this far, congrats! You've read the longest one chapter fic that I have ever written. (The word count isn't that impressive but whatever) I had decided and committed a little plot to the idea of Brooke and Chloe being each other's SQUIPs and this kind of vomited out of me. (Also talking to Joe got me v v pumped to actually write it) So like I already has a fic that includes my giant spiel about how BMC means a lot to me (its the first one in the series this fic is in) so this is now going to be a small meme and I am so v sorry that the angst and stuff is shitty, I'm not that good of writer or anything but I tried my hardest on this for Joe. 
> 
> Now this part is a lil bit for Joe (bc i sent the link to him so hi joe nice to formally meet u for like the second time my name is jeremy and you confused me for the Heere man) so like. okay. joe i literally haven't told you how much talking to you means to me? Like yeah you wrote one fo my top three musicals but you are also very cool. a v cool man that i dont know how i got the luck to be able to talk to you. (like thats crazy and you are great) and im sorry i abused brooke and chloe like this but it was swimming in my mind and like it oddly timed up to the time i started dming u more so thats fun. wow i speak in text tone a lot, i probably don't look serious. (oh jeez im rambling again) but ahkjfv Thanks Joe for being a good influence in my life and being the cool dude you are and I'm going to be forever grateful for being able to talk to you and being alive in the same time as you! So thanks Joe for creating this massive thing, I've made so many friends from this, thank you so much. Also I've been joking for a while to ask you to be my dad (bc mine is a little shittier than Rich's) and I had promised them i would ask in the author's note. So Joe Tracz would you (joekingly) be my dad? (Now you won't have to write "playwright of Be More Chill" on the sign out form) OKay that was probably a little too much to write but I love you loads, Joe! 
> 
> peace from gay rad space dad (jeremy/pj) <3
> 
> edit: if you want to ask me any questions or anything my tumblr is peejslice and my name on the BMC server is froggo patrol JR. jerjer! Thank you for reading this fic!


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